The Meadow
by Supergirrl
Summary: ...he smiles, and beside me, I feel Gale suck in a breath. Peeta’s smile, which was the same in the mud or in the Capitol, has been replicated perfectly in his son. Catching Fire spoilers


Hey guys! I'm (sort of) back. I decided to rewrite this for the Countdown to Mockingjay contest, and I think it's a lot better. If you enjoyed this story, vote for it! I'll post the link at the end. Who else is excited for Mockingjay? Here is the link to the music that accompanies this:

http : / www . youtube . com / watch?v = im5CIpMFo4Q& feature = related

I strongly recommend listening to it, it really adds to the story overall. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

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"_Katniss…what are you doing?"  
_

_I pulled away, my lips still tingling from the pressure of the kiss. I honestly didn't have an answer. At least not one that can be put into words. I settled on the closest thing I can think of. "We're going to die, Peeta. At least one of us is going to die, and I just have to do this once, before our chance is gone."  
__"When you come home, Gale will be there, waiting for you. With me out of the way, you'll have the chance to have a life together. Don't throw that away for me."  
"No." My voice is soft, but in the utter silence of my Capitol bedroom, that one word seemed impossibly loud.  
"What?" Peeta pulled away from me, staring down at my face, his blue eyes visible in the dark. "What do you mean?"  
"I mean there is no other life for me. If you die and I survive…there is no one else. And I know if I leave now, I will regret it forever."  
For a moment, Peeta tried to speak. But he had no words. He took my face in his hands and gently tilted it up toward him, and then, he's kissing me again and we're gone._

It was new and it was ancient beyond time. It was wonderful and it was heart wrenching. It was fleeting and it was forever.

I'm screaming now, because this is pain beyond belief. My body is trying to destroy itself from the inside out, and I think it's killing me. The ugly grey ceiling is pressing down on me; I can't breathe in this place of stale air and no real light. Instead, I tried to imagine that I'm in the place this all started, my darkened bedroom in the Capitol, the night before the Quell. I remembered how beautiful the sunset was that day, on what I thought would be my last day of life. Now, I don't think that the blackened skies over the dying Capitol will ever be anything but ash. I doubt I'll ever see anything but drab grey walls ever again, because I think I'm dying here, in a tunnel beneath the ruins of the hated Capitol.

My death will be, without a doubt, the most ironic moment in the history of the Games. This-just like every instant of my life since Prim's name was called at the Reaping, what seemed like a lifetime ago-is just another part of the Games, the Games that have sucked me up wholly. When I die-which is inevitable now-it will not be courtesy of a mutt, another tribute, or even some Gamemaker-controlled event. No, I will die bringing life into the world. A sharp new wave of pain swept through me, and I gave myself up to the agony.

"Katniss!" My mother's voice pierced the haze of pain filling my mind. "You're almost there! We can see her hair! Your baby's almost here!"  
All I could do is let out another groan, and push. For a moment, it's unbearable, and I was crushing Gale's fingers with my own, and then it's gone, and there's a baby crying. I lifted my head weakly, and saw her, shrieking and covered in blood. _My daughter. Our daughter._

I only had a second to feel relieved before the pains come back again, worse than ever, and I'm so weak, I can't stand it this time. My body felt like it's about to burst-Glimmer's bloated body flashed through my mind-, I'm tearing in two-Rue, impaled by a spear, one of my worst memories- and I could hear myself begging for it to stop-Cato pleading for mercy, as near to me as if it was happening right now. The nightmares were back, except now, they're coming when I'm awake. I needed him to come, to take them away.

"Peeta!" I choked out his name, and for a moment, I thought I saw him there, standing above me. I reached up to touch him, but my fingers grasped only air. Both of my hands were clutching at the air now, and I'm confused. Where is he? I'm in pain. I'm suffering. I'm dying. He'd always been there, to pull me out, to ease my agony, if only for a minute. He gave me the bread. He kept me alive in the arena. He kept away the nightmares. So why wasn't he here now?

"Where is he?" I gasped out the words, and Prim shook her head, tears running down her thin cheeks. "Katniss, he's not…he's not here any more. But he'd want you to fight, you _have_ to fight. For us all. For your children."

Gale's voice is shaking, but his words are still firm. "You can't give up, Katniss! The Capitol will have won if you do. Snow would want you to give up!"

For the first time in my life, I ignored them, two of the people I cared about the most. I didn't want to fight. I was tired of it. I wanted to die, right here, right now. They could cut my other baby out, and my family could raise them together, while I slept forever in a wooden box, with Peeta, with my father, with everyone I love ended up, where I belong.

I could feel myself fading. Everything got fainter, and I felt light. I knew I was close.

"Katniss! Katniss!" Gale's yelling my name. He could see the fog in my eyes, the same kind of fog he's seen a thousand times in a dying deer. He was crying openly now, because they're losing me, and they knew it.

I didn't care. I just wanted this to be over with, and if death was the way to achieve this, I was fully willing to die. _If this is dying,_ I wondered vaguely_, it's not so bad_.

Names were flashing through my mind, people who have gone the same way I'm going.  
____.

With each name, I saw their face in my mind, if only for a moment, and I could feel them beckoning me, even the ones who were my enemies in life. Death has made equals of us.

They're there, waiting for me. I could see them, but not clearly. It's like I was looking through a window at them, but the window hadn't been washed for a long, long time. I saw shapes and I heard voices, but their faces were lost to me. I was coming. It wouldn't be long.

I felt like I was rising upwards. The world was not growing dark; rather, it was fading out, turning fuzzy and blurry before my eyes. The pain was fading, and all that I could still really feel is Gale's grip on my hand.

My mother's crying too. "You can't leave your daughter! You have to live, at least for her!"  
I heard Gale's voice, distorted and wavy, speaking to me. "She's blonde, Katniss, just like her father."

And then the barrier between us was gone, and I could see their faces. All of them. I saw my father's face for the first time in six years. I saw Rue, happy and safe, safe forever. And then there's Peeta, healthy and whole and smiling. Nothing could be more beautiful to me. I could feel his hands on mine, warm, somehow overlapping Gale's rapidly cooling ones. But he was shaking his head at me.

"You have to go back, Katniss, while you still can." His voice is there and not there, because I could still hear my mother and my sister screaming for me. "You can't stay. It's not your time yet. You still have a place in the world. You have people who need you. You won't deprive your children of their mother."

"But I don't want to go back," I whispered, not caring that I sounded like a whining child. "I want to stay here, with you. I can't lose you all again."

"But you won't be." This time, it's my father speaking.  
Rue nodded in agreement. "We'll be here, waiting for you. Just a little longer for you in the world, and then we can be together."  
"Forever?"

Peeta kissed me lightly on the lips. "Forever."

"I can…I can live with that." I didn't want to go, but in my heart, I knew that they were right.  
I could feel them all fading away, and I touched Peeta's face, his hair, trying to take it all in one last time, before it's gone. I was crying now, tears flowing uncontrollably down my face. "I promise I'll tell them all about you. That their father was the bravest man in the world."  
Peeta smiled at me sadly. "And that their mother helped save the world."

"I love you all." I blurted it out, because they're almost gone, and I'm afraid they aren't going to hear me. But they do, and even though he's almost completely gone, I heard Peeta's voice. "We love you, and we'll always be with you."  
Rue's little voice chimed in, "Always."

And then they're gone, and I'm back in the real world. Everything's sharp and clear and painful, all too real, but I felt myself smile, just the tiniest bit. I'm pushing as hard as I can, and that same excruciating pain swept over me. After a final, terrific push, it suddenly stopped. For a long moment, there was a terrifying, horrible silence. I tried to sit up, but I'm too weak. What's wrong with my baby?

I heard a slap-the baby's not breathing, my mother is trying to wake it up, I've heard her doing this before. And then…quiet at first, but progressively louder wailing. I heard my mother sigh with relief, and she said, to the room in general, "It's a boy."  
I sighed and let my head flop back onto my pillow in relief. They're fine, and that's the most important thing, at the moment.

"Katniss."

I turned to look at Prim, who was smiling radiantly. In her arms, she's holding a bundle, which she slowly, almost radiantly, placed in my arms. One of the nurses helped unbutton my shirt, and my daughter turned her little face towards me as she began to nurse. And for the first time, I looked at my daughter.

She didn't look like either one of us, I thought. The fuzz on her head wasn't black or blonde, more of a mousy brown than anything. Her face was red and puffy, and none of her features strongly reminded me of Peeta or myself. Then she opened her eyes, and that changed. Those eyes were that exquisite, uncommon shade of blue, something I hadn't ever thought I would see again. For a moment, all I can do is stare in shock at this perfect little being I had helped create.

"What do you think you're going to call her?" The nurse was smiling down at us.  
To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it. Completely unbidden, the words tumbled out, but I know that they're right. "Rue. She's Rue."  
At the sound of her name, little Rue sighed softly, and her eyelids fluttered shut. From my other side, my mother said, clearly pleased, "She likes it!" She gently positioned my son in my other arm, and again I am struck by his uncommon beauty. He, too, looked a bit like an angry old man, but his tiny features are perfect.

I think I started to doze off when I heard an urgent knocking at the door. It opened, and I could hear my mother arguing with someone, then Gale joining in. That voice…it sounded familiar. I looked up, and there is Mr. Mellark, straining to get a look at his grandchildren.

"Let him in." The strength in my voice surprised even me, and my mother turned to give me a disapproving look.

"Katniss, you just gave birth. Maybe Mr. Mellark can come back later, when you've had some time to rest and get cleaned up?"  
I shook my head. "No, he has a right to see them, the same as you." Reluctantly, she stepped aside, and he rushed to my bedside. He froze when he saw them, resting peacefully in my arms. They are, I realized, the only family he had left. Peeta killed by the Capitol, his wife and oldest son lost in the destruction of our district, and Peeta's other brother, going insane with grief at the news of his brother's death and taking his own life. For most people, our settlement in New Panem had been a place of joy; for him, it had been filled with mourning and loneliness.

Wordlessly, I handed my son up to him. I watched as he stared down at his grandson, and to my surprise, I could see tears welling up in his eyes.  
He noticed me watching, and choked out, "I'm sorry…but Peeta…he looked just like this when he was born. Exactly the same. Wh-what are you going to name him?"  
"Peeta. That way, his father will be with him, all the time. He'll never forget him. No one will."  
Mr. Mellark was silent for a moment, staring down at his grandson's face. Then he said simply, "No one will ever forget my son. Not as long as they remember you. In the eyes of the world, you were already immortal, sixteen and in love forever. But as long as they can see your children, and their children, and so on, you'll seem real to them."

My daughter's laughter floated across the grass as her brother tickled her, and I smiled as I watched them play. They were so happy, so cheerful; it's hard to believe that I'm their mother.

I heard footsteps behind me, and I jumped to my feet, my Hunger Games instincts still fully intact. But it's only Gale, appearing out of the forest behind me. He grinned when he saw me, and I returned it as he wrapped me in a friendly hug.

"You finally came to see us!" I said teasingly once I pulled away.

"I know, I know. The summit went on much longer than it was supposed to. We had a lot to talk about, I guess." Gale's the ambassador for the people of what was District 12, to the rest of Panem. I couldn't think of anyone better suited for the job, but it did keep him away for weeks at a time.

"How did you find us up here, anyway?" Very few people know where my children and I go, when I needed to be alone. That's part of the beauty of this place. Up here, we're away from the press, the politicians, the people who see my children as celebrities, commodities, symbols. And no matter how hard I tried to keep their day-to-day activities private, they lived in the public eye. They have since the day they were born, and they will for the rest of their lives. But under the lens of a camera is no way for a child to grow up. Here, they could be normal children, happy and free.

"Your mother told me. She said you wouldn't mind if I came up here to meet you. Do you, Catnip?"  
I shook my head, smiling at hearing him use my old nickname. "No, I don't mind, I was just wondering. Are you ready for me to call the kids? They've really been looking forward to seeing you."  
He smiled. "Of course! I brought presents back for them, but I left them back at your house."  
"I'm sure they won't care once they see you're back." Turning back towards my children, I called out, "Rue! Peeta! Come here!"

Rue came bounding up the hill first, her ash-blonde curls bouncing around her face. My mother said that her face looks like mine did at that age, but her coloring was all Peeta's. Her hair lightened with age, but her perfect blue eyes have stayed the same.  
She beamed at Gale and me. "Momma, it's Uncle Gale!"  
"I know, and look what I made?" Bending down, I picked up the crown I had woven from daisies and willow strands from the great tree I had been sitting beneath. "I made this for you, honey."  
"What's that, Momma, what's that?"  
"It's a crown!" She jumped up and down and clapped with delight. I held up the crown, and she stopped, lowering her head regally to accept it. "I crown you Princess of the Meadow. And here's our prince!"

Peeta-little Peeta, that is-pushed his way through the waist-high daisies to reach us. He resembled me more, with grey eyes and dark skin, though his hair was lighter than mine, a chestnut-brown color. He's less exuberant than his sister, like me, but there was one thing that was wholly his father.

When he saw the crown in my hands that matched the one perched atop his sister's head, he smiled, and beside me, I felt Gale suck in a breath.  
Peeta's smile, which was the same in the mud or in the Capitol, had been replicated perfectly in his son. At that moment, his face was like a smaller version of his father's.

He accepted his crown as well, and when he turned away, Gale whispered to me, "Has he always…" He trailed off, apparently at a loss for words. I understood how he felt. It's unsettling to see something you thought had passed from this world forever, recreated before your eyes. Even though I was with him almost constantly, little Peeta's resemblance to his father could be unnerving. It wasn't just his face; the way he spoke eerily echoed Peeta's charisma and way with words, even at his young age. Even his movements and the way he walked were reminiscent of his father. Sometimes, Mr. Mellark could hardly bear to speak to him, it was so painful.

"Yes," I replied, sparing him the trouble of trying to finish his sentence. "It's just gotten more obvious as he gets older. By the time he's a teenager, he'll look just like his father." I felt something tighten in my throat as I thought of Peeta, but I forced myself to swallow it. Now was not the time.

"Do they…know?"

"Not all of it. They know that their father's not here any more, but they don't know why, exactly. I won't tell them everything until they're older."  
Gale leaned back against the willow tree that shades us. "That's probably best."

We're silent for a moment, watching the children play. I could see a kind of longing in Gale's eyes as he watched them, and I remembered the offer he made me four years ago. We would get married, and he would be their father until they were old enough to know the truth. And as much as it hurt me, I rejected him. I couldn't lie to them…not like that. And I hadn't been lying to Peeta, either, when I said that there was no one else. I knew now, without a doubt, that there never would be.

"How'd you find this place?" Gale's voice startled me from my reverie, and it took me a moment to reply.

"When we first came here, sometimes I needed to be by myself. So I'd leave the babies with my mom or Prim, and walk in the woods alone. And one day, I just stumbled upon this place, and I knew it was perfect. So when the children were old enough, I started bringing them out here, and now we come almost every day."

He nodded sagely, and we're quiet again, until Rue grabbed onto my leg and said in her earnest way, "Momma, when Uncle Gale left, he said he'd have presents when he came back. Where are they?"  
"Back at the house. We can go now, if you want, or stay for a while…" Gale trailed off teasingly, and both Peeta and Rue laughed. Peeta said, "We want to go now!

Gale shrugged and gave me a half-smile, "Sounds good to me. Now, who wants to get a piggyback ride?"  
I watched with a smile on my face as they both clambered to climb onto his back. Gale started to walk back under the cover of the trees, but hesitated. "Are you coming, Katniss?"  
"I'll be there in a minute, just go ahead without me." I wanted a moment alone.  
"No problem, Catnip." He walked away, both children hanging off his back, and after a few minutes, their laughter and talking faded away.

I stared out at the meadow, wondering how different things would have been if Peeta had lived. We would have been so, so happy, I knew that. Our life would have made all of the struggles worth it.

I didn't let myself dwell on those what-ifs, though. Instead, I tried to think about what Peeta did change. I knew that one day, I would tell my children that their father was the bravest man in the world, and he died so they would be safe. I just hoped that they'd feel some kind of connection to him, that he'd be more than just a name. I wanted them to understand the sacrifice he made. Their names would never go in a Reaping ball, nor would the names of any other person ever again. They would live safe, peaceful, and free-_forever_. And so would their children, and theirs, and every descendant of ours for the rest of time.

He had died to make the whole world a place just like this meadow. A place where his children could be safe.

Rue's meadow was reality.

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Here's the link:

http:/ sites . google . com / site / countdowntomockingjay /

Take out the links and you're there! I hope you enjoyed it!


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